The Emotionally Healthy Leader Review | Young Adults Book Club
You might have seen the episode of Friends where we discover that Monica Geller has a secret cupboard full of junk. Her husband thinks he is being kind by managing to open a cupboard he believed couldn’t be opened, but instead he uncovers Monica’s secret: her insanely tidy reputation that she was holding up so well was shattered!
This book is the equivalent of opening up that cupboard full of all the stuff you would rather pretend wasn’t there, the stuff you would cringe at the thought of others seeing, and then going through it piece by piece. Peter Scazzero wants to take you through your family baggage, norms, relationships, how you deal with conflict, and your insecurities, and help you work through what sorting it out might look like so you can be a better leader.
The book is split into two sections, the inner life and the outer life. I have to admit, as I read the titles of chapters I wasn’t filled with confidence that much of it was going to resonate with me, but I was completely wrong. Every single chapter is full of gold, so much so that I will be reading it again in the near future.
The inner life section focuses on our internal world – our feelings, emotions and motivations. My favourite thing about this section was that there was a whole chapter which was pretty much about the importance of quiet times. The chapter is called ‘Slowing Down for Loving Union’ – hardly revolutionary you might say, but after reading it you might change your mind!
After being around church for a long time I think it’s fair to say that the idea of a daily quiet time is something that can easily slip into a monotonous task to tick off a list every day or even worse something that slips our daily habits completely. He challenges our idea of ticking off our quiet times as a task to be accomplished and instead invites us to see this sacred space of time alone with Jesus as the fuel for any hope of healthy leadership.
‘He challenges our idea of ticking off our quiet times as a task to be accomplished and invites us to see this sacred space of time alone with Jesus as the fuel for any hope of healthy leadership’
While the first section very much focuses on leading ourselves, the second part looks at how we can lead others well.
The chapter on decision making was particularly challenging for me. He talks about the idea of holy indifference when it comes to decisions. Usually coming into a team meeting with a new idea I see it as my job to convince the team that this is a great idea and we should run with it. Scazzero says that we should pray for indifference to every idea so that we can try to clearly hear what God has to say about it, therefore differentiating between a ‘good idea’ and a ‘God idea’.
This chapter also explores our limits and how we should see our constraints as guidelines that God wants us to work within. For example, we should see our location, family commitments, commitment to Sabbath and commitment to our own emotional health as things we need to respect rather than things we need to ignore to do the ‘work of God’.
‘The first place he would have us lead ourselves is to the feet of Jesus’
One thing I love about this book is that there aren’t any ‘one size fits all’ rules. Scazzero doesn’t try to tell us how to fix everything with ten easy to remember tips. Rather, his focus is consistently on bringing yourself before Jesus so that he, and he alone, can speak into areas of hurt and pain.
Scazzero doesn’t try to tell us that if we deal with issues that everything will be sorted soon either, he acknowledges that it can take a lifetime to deal with issues and that it is a constant journey of growing through our weakness. He says, ‘The first and most difficult task we face as leaders is to lead ourselves.’ The first place he would have us lead ourselves is to the feet of Jesus.
This book is primarily aimed at those working in the church or in ministry, however I would say that anyone who wants to lead others in a healthy way should read this. Its examples may be mostly ministry-based (that is his experience after all) but they are applicable to any disciple of Jesus.
It’s not for the faint hearted and if you would rather not deal with the cupboard of junk in your heart then it’s not for you. But if you are ready for some home truths to hit you and to be challenged to deal with yourself, then go for it!
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