Throw Away Your Resolutions

Once more, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new year. 

Once more, I will be resolutely avoiding any New Year’s resolutions.

And once more, in their stead I will find myself choosing one singular word to chase after over this coming year.

Truth be told, I’ve never liked New Year’s resolutions. You could say some of that stems from the fact that I’ve never actually managed to complete one – like so many, I would usually find myself ‘failing’ within the first few weeks. And I do have to hold my hands up here and admit I am really not good at accepting failure. I’m very competitive, and don’t like losing – even to a New Year’s resolution!

But the real reason I don’t like New Year’s resolutions goes further – to an underlying sense that they limit me more than they open my eyes to new possibilities. 

Often, New Year’s resolutions are absolute statements, centred on something physical and tangible, like, ‘I’ll go to the gym three times a week.’ But these kinds of statement leave little room for flexibility or grace if something goes wrong. Success or failure end up being defined by whether the outcome is achieved, disregarding the process and underlying achievements along the way. Have you ever heard someone make resolutions about more abstract concepts that can’t be easily quantified – how they could deepen their faith, or understand themselves better, or even build the legacy they wish to leave behind?

And it’s all too easy for resolutions to be negative. Even if the ultimate outcome is intended to be positive (say improving our health), the resolution itself is often from a place of self-criticism. ‘I will do X, and change Y, because I don’t like Z about myself’ statements are fundamentally demotivating and impossible to find satisfaction in, even if we succeed. We’re pretty good at finding flaws in ourselves.

Ultimately though, I don’t like resolutions because they are psychologically linked to failure. Studies have shown that 80% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by early February. I understand why people make resolutions at the beginning of a new year – the new year feels like a the start of a new chapter, a moment to let go of the old and welcome in something new – but maybe it’s time to do something different.

One Word 365

Back in 2015, I started to wonder how I could escape this cycle of failure and disappointment. And that’s when I found One Word 365. 

The concept is pretty simple: you reflect on the year that’s gone, and you think about the year ahead and your hopes and dreams. Then you choose a word ‘that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live’, and you chase after it for the year.

Whether you choose ‘Compassion’ or ‘Focus’, ‘Generosity’ or ‘Persevere’, or any other word that sums up your hopes and dreams, the important thing is that it resonates with you and it’s something you can be intentional about pursuing over the year. If you forget for a week or a month, that’s okay – because your word is for all 365 days of the year.

I often find myself naturally landing on a word depending on the lessons I’ve learnt from the previous year, and what I know will be coming my way in the next. But rather than focusing myself on achieving some sort of tangible outcome, I’ve found choosing a word allows me to go on more of a journey of discovery that takes me in directions I never planned for.

Adventure

When 2017 came around, I knew there’d be rather a lot of change in my life. My high school experience would be coming to an end and I’d likely be going off to university, and I knew there’d be this three month stretch of freedom and holiday awaiting me after I finished my A Levels. In order to make the most of the year, I decided my one word would be ‘Adventure’ – in essence, go travelling, and have impromptu hang outs with friends. Truth be told, the idea in my head was that I would have a year of exciting experiences, that would feature in a montage of my youth when somebody inevitably made a biopic about me in the decades to come. 

2017 was also the year I started struggling with depression. I had a full-on panic attack in my Physics mock exam, sought comfort in the song ‘Paralyzed’ by NF and ended the year by spending my birthday crying in my university bedroom because I felt so alone. I did go travelling that summer, and I hung out with mates and had silly moments of fun – but never those idyllic, perfect experiences I’d imagined would feature in the biopic montage. 

The thing is, I still went on an adventure that year. It was an adventure of discovering vulnerability – of admitting I was struggling, of letting down my masks that sought to portray me as strong and hide my weaknesses. 2017 was an adventure in letting people see my real authentic self. The impact of 2017 on my life and my character has been immense. Friendships have deepened and become more secure, and I started on a journey of trusting and accepting I am loved and valued, not rejected. Not something I planned on, but far richer a story than I’d ever imagined.

Worship

Last year, my word was ‘Worship,’ thinking it would be a year of reading my Bible more consistently and other more tangible actions we often associate with worship. I’m still not very good at any of that. But I’ve realised worship is fundamentally having a heart posture towards God. You can express it through actions and daily rhythms, but ultimately it begins in our hearts and by inviting God into every detail, every moment and every high and low. 

Curiosity

This year, my word is ‘Curiosity’. There’s so much I don’t know about the world around me, nor about the people in my life, and I want to learn. I want to experience and understand. But in pursuing curiosity, I don’t feel limited or constrained. There’s no physical outcome I’m focused on, there’s no pressure of success or failure.

There’s only the journey. And I get to journey with God and see where he takes me – and that’s the most exciting adventure of all.